Love Notes


�Types of Love

The Triangular Theory of Love

  Three different building blocks are presumed to combine to form different types of love:

�Intimacy� feelings of warmth, understanding,   communication, support, and sharing

�Passion� emotional arousal and sexual desire

�Commitment� the decision to stay in a   relationship and to work to maintain it

  Different mixtures of these components create different experiences:

�Nonlove � intimacy, passion, and commitment are all   absent.

�Liking � high intimacy, but little passion or commitment.

�Infatuation � just passion.

�Empty love � commitment without intimacy or passion.


  Things get more interesting when two or more components are combined:

�Romantic love � a combination of intimacy and passion.

�Companionate love � high intimacy and commitment, but little passion.

�Fatuous love --  passion and commitment in the absence of intimacy.

�Consummate love � intimacy, passion, and commitment are all present to a substantial degree.


�Types of Love

Romantic, Passionate Love

  Romantic love involves passion�

  �and any form of strong arousal, pleasant or unpleasant, can influence our feelings of romantic love.


 

  (a)    swaying on a spooky suspension bridge;

  (b)    running in place for two minutes;

  (c)  watching a disgusting movie; or

  (d)    listening to a stand-up comedian

all increase men�s attraction to physically attractive women

 who happen to be nearby.


Adrenaline fuels romantic love.

  Various events that excite us may increase our love for our partners.


Indeed, a two-factortheory of romantic love proposes that such love results from:

  (a)  physiological arousal, paired with

  (b)  the belief that another person is the cause of   your arousal. 





Some of the thoughts that underlie romantic love are apparent in Rubin�s (1973) Love Scale that assesses:

�Intimacy: �I feel that I can confide in my partner   about virtually anything.�

�Dependence: �If I could never be with my partner, I   would be miserable.�

�Caring: �I would do almost anything for my partner.�




Companionate Love

As a combination of intimacy and commitment, companionate love is a comfortable, affectionate, trusting love based on friendship and companionship.





After they have been married for many years, happy couples tend to say:

  �My spouse is my best friend,� and

  �I like my spouse as a person.�

  Long-lasting, satisfying marriages evidently include a lot of companionate love.



  Thus, there appear to be two major types of love that occur frequently in American marriages:

�a love that�s full of passion that leads a couple to marry, and

�a love that's full of friendship that underlies marriages that last.


�Love Styles

John Lee identifies 6 types of love experiences:

Lee found that the idea of what love is, is the cause of conflict in relationships

�Primary love styles

�Eros/erotic: (love of beauty) intense and passionate

�strong physical component

�Fast moving love style

�they may be jealous

�giving and want to do a lot for their partner

�highly into disclosure and sexual intimacy

�feelings tend to fizzle quickly cause they desire high passion, and hard to maintain


�Ludus/Ludic � playful and uncommitted; love is a game

�sex without commitment/avoid commitment

�having sex with people is a conquest

�Manipulate

�Relationships do not have great depth of feeling

�Think only of themselves during sex; only really care to please themselves

�Research has shown that people who score high on ludic love are more likely to engage in "outside-the-couple" dating and sex than those who score low on it.


�Storge/storgic� love that emphasizes friendship and commitment

�love relationship stem from deep friendships

�feelings blossom slowly over time

�sex comes later in relationship

�Not very jealous

�based on friendship and emotional intimacy over physical intimacy



�Manic (erotic/ludic): possessive, obsessive love that is full of fantasy

��clingers�

�can be jealous, needy and possessive

�fueled by low self esteem

�they have highs and lows (can be energetic and then depressed)


�Agape (storgic/erotic): altruistic, selfless, dutiful love

�intense passion of eros, w/ the consistency/stability of storge

�Puts their partner above themselves (generous)

�very faithful people

�selfless, not looking for reciprocity

�they may be vulnerable to people taking advantage



�Pragmatic (ludic/storgic): practical, dispassionate love

�aware of the social exchange theory

�they are planners and are practical


�usually have successful relationships because they choose partner carefully


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